Making Choices: Love, Leadership, and Tech
When I first launched Remake The Rules, I knew I wanted to tackle human-techno systems—those messy, overlapping spaces where the psychology and sociology our lives intersect with software, data, and technology tools. These are the human-techno systems that structure how we communicate, make decisions, and shape our relationships with others, both personally and professionally. What I didn’t anticipate was how often I’d feel a tug to justify why I’ve chosen to work in both the professional and personal spheres. Specifically, why I help people navigate leadership and management challenges at work and make sense of dating apps and personal tech in their private lives.
This tension stems from a cultural narrative that treats professional and personal development as separate—and prioritizes one over the other. Personal work is often labeled as “soft,” too emotional, or less credible. Professional development, on the other hand, is seen as serious, actionable, and inherently more valuable. But this divide doesn’t hold up. The human-techno systems that shape communication, decision-making, and relationships operate, increasingly, across all spheres of life, including the professional. but also, the choices we make in our personal lives is more central to people’s lived experiences, more essential to their happiness, and more reflective of what truly matters in their lives.
If the goal of Remake The Rules is to offer a better way forward for people feeling overwhelmed, constrained, and misunderstood by our increasingly pervasive human-techno systems, then addressing both personal and professional aspects is essential. These systems shape how we make decisions, form relationships, and navigate the questions that define our lives—and ignoring either would limit the impact and relevance of this work.
The Work is the Same
Whether it’s about leading a team or building a meaningful connection on a dating app, the core of the work is strikingly similar:
Understanding the System: Both professional and personal systems come with rules (written and unwritten), power dynamics, and limitations. My role is to help people see these systems for what they are and figure out how to engage with them in a way that aligns with their goals.
Making Intentional Choices: Dating, managing, and leading all demand a level of clarity about what matters to you. The tools might be different, but the process of deciding what you want, setting boundaries, and communicating effectively is universal.
Building Relationships: Whether it’s fostering trust in a team or finding compatibility on an app, relationships are at the heart of both spheres. Success depends on empathy, curiosity, and the ability to navigate uncertainty.
Improving Outcomes: When you become a more skillful user of your tools, you develop methods that lead to better outcomes—whatever those outcomes may be. By refining your approach and adapting to or creatively leveraging the systems at play, you can more effectively move closer to your goals, whether they involve fostering a high-performing team or creating a meaningful personal connection.
These parallels are why Remake The Rules doesn’t separate the professional from the personal. Instead, I see these as two sides of the same coin—the spaces where human-techno systems have the most profound impact on our lives and the lives of others. The work is about helping people make sense of these systems and use them in ways that feel human, intentional, and perpetually move them closer to the outcomes they are looking to create.
The Big Picture
At its core, the work I do through Remake The Rules is about empowering people to navigate the systems that shape their lives. The tools might differ, but the goals are the same: to help people make more informed, intentional choices and build systems that actually support their goals—whether that’s with a romantic partner, a colleague, or an entire team.
These decisions don’t just affect your immediate outcomes—they shape your future, your values, and the systems you’re part of. And while professional leadership often gets more attention, the choices we make about personal relationships are often more impactful in shaping long-term happiness and success.
If we’re serious about creating better systems, we can’t afford to treat personal work as separate or lesser. Personal systems aren’t a soft or secondary concern; they’re foundational. The way we interact with dating apps reflects the same recurring patterns of decision-making, managing uncertainty, and struggles with communication that show up in professional systems. Ignoring this connection would mean missing an opportunity to create the alignment, growth, and change that many people are seeking in their lives.
